With 2018 just around the corner, I’m starting my new years resolutions a bit early this year. When I look back onto 2017 it hasn’t been my year, at all ! It’s been a year where I seem to had forgotten who I was and what I dreamed off. The last two weeks I’ve spend some time thinking about my goals and now I’m starting over. And it feels magical.
Past year, I’ve been focusing just on work. Not the best idea, clearly 😉 I’m a content en social media manager in a marketing agency. I really love my job. Combining creativity and strategy is truly my passion. But at a certain moment this year, I started to focus way too much on my job. I would only work, eat and sleep. Without realizing it, I had lost hope and focus on all of my other dreams. I was working from 4am till late in the evening and was sleep deprived, when everything came tumbling down. After too many setbacks and challenges, combined with quite some negative reactions from colleagues, I just crashed. Was it a burn-out, I don’t know. But I definitely was not in a good place.
Determined to start over, I looked for a new job and hoped that would solve everything. A new environment would solve everything, I thought. When I now look back on it, I’m still really happy I took that step. But I also know now that just changing jobs didn’t solve the way I was feeling and how people made me feel. All the negative comments had made me doubt myself that much, that my insecurities took over and kept defining that “new start”. And my other dreams kept seeming unreachable and impossible to restart. Because of stress I gained quite some weight, what made my body look very different and not at all anymore like I once worked really hard for. My relationship didn’t get the attention anymore that it deserved for a long time and that had a huge impact. I had stopped blogging, besides one or two articles once in a while and I didn’t spend time anymore on doing the things that I truly love, like cooking, fashion and decorating. My creativity was at an all-time low. All of this made me crawl into my shell and also kinda avoid people. I just wasn’t happy. My once super social and excited self was gone. And just starting to work for a different employer, didn’t shut down those negative comments, repeating on and on in my head. It helped a bit but didn’t fix all of my other issues.
I realize I was also not ready to deal with those issues, at that moment. I have that kind of personality that I feel everything very deeply. Some people might even say I’m too emotional. In an attempt to keep it together I just had shut down all my feeling. I was just sleepwalking trough life. And thát is my biggest fear ever! I wanna live fully and have those ups and downs. I don’t want to flatline. I do want to feel everything deeply. I make me, me and it makes life exciting and full of passion. But I was still on the run from everything that happend to me and those negative comments kept taking over my life and how I saw myself.
Dreams and resolutions
In the beginning it was quite difficult to start dreaming again. Every time I tried to write them down in my diary, I felt blocked. It made me feel afraid that what I was thinking is unreachable and at the same time I felt incredibly vulnerable. But by writing them down in clouds, I got a step closer every time. The clouds made it look softer and more real. It really helps! Based on those clouds I made my new years resolution and everything I already want to achieve in 2018.
It’s a long list but I’m super excited. For example; I want to travel to a unique location this Summer, planning at least 3 city trips, doing more romantic things, saving money for a dream home in Antwerp, doing more fun things with friends, going to the gym at least twice a week, writing more books to keep learning about content strategy, learning more about photography and visual creation, writing in my diary at least twice a week, writing minimum one blog per week and posting at least one picture on my Instagram every day. I’m so hopeful and overexcited, that I can’t wait until 2018 to start working on it.
What are your dreams for 2018?